Today in therapy I got to thinking about my life (shocker, right?). Why is it that I feel so unstable - one minute on top of the world, the next minute confused and anxious and fearful of the future... I was telling my therapist about how I feel so up and down. She gave me one possible answer. It's because I need to reassess she said. (I almost just typed re-asses - that would have been funny).
When I was younger I always had such high dreams and hopes for myself. If you would have asked me at the age of 15 how my life would have been when I was 24, it would have sounded something like this: I look gorgeous, skinny, tall (funny how I always imagined I would have a growth spurt when in fact I've been 5'1" since who knows how long); I would be dating a beautifully handsome rich, successful man (or married - who knows, at the age of 15, 24 does sound old!); I would live in a beautiful 3 bdrm. house with hardwood floors and a lot of sun that would creep in. I would be working behind the scenes of the entertainment industry, walking down the hallway of my executive office, of course wearing some really awesome skirt suit; On my free time, I would go to hot new fun restaurants, or just lounge around in my beautiful home listening to James Taylor drinking a glass of expensive pinot noir with a candle lit by my side. I would be happy, fun, have tons of friends and be incredibly close to my family.
Pretty funny when you think about it. I envisioned myself having the most perfect, wonderful life (well, who wouldn't?). But let's be realistic here. I'm only 24 for christsakes! Being an assistant would be good enough at this age in this industry considering most my age are still PA's. And I'm even an associate in my division of the industry. I should be fucking grateful, ecstatic even! I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me (so what if he aint Brad Pitt). I have a two bdrm, 2 bath apt. in Hollywood Hills with a very talkative roommate but hey, I'm not living under a freeway! I go out to restaurants a lot, who cares if the most of them don't serve entrees over 10 dollars? It's still food. I talk to my sister almost everyday, my mom every two to three days and my dad about once a week. Yeah we fight, but hey, at least we live in the same city and can just meet up for dinner if we feel like it? How many people can actually say that? And no, I don't own a skirt suit but I also would rather dress Kelly Ripa-ish anyday rather than Barbara Walters, right? I mean, I do still need to have an element of hip i n my life.
SO, as you can probably see...it's not that bad. No it's not. But don't even try to ask me how I think my life will be when I'm 40.
