PrimaDana

Friends are good to have

Today was one of those crazy days at work. You know,
those days where as you are pulling your car out of
the parking lot you could literally be on the verge of
just SCREAMING. That was today for me. I won't get
too into detail because we all know how mixing work
and blogs could be a bad, bad thing, but I'll just say
that today was ONE.OF.THOSE.DAYS.

I felt my blood pressure rising as I was driving to
pilates. I started to get increasingly annoyed at all
the cars in front of me, behind me, actually, any car
that was remotely on the same road as me. I called my
sister and vented. After ten minutes I was beginning
to feel better but not calm yet.

My sister and I worked out with our pilates instructor
for an hour. I was able to get out some anger and
frustration, laugh, and get my focus off of me as I
was laughing at all the silly stories that our teacher
was telling us. At eight I felt significantly better
but not there yet.

I then went straight to a sushi dinner with my
coworker and an old coworker. Now I love these two
people. We sat over a little sake, salmon and uni (my
personal favorite) and laughed, vented, complaines,
shared stories, and enjoed eachother's company. We
also exchanged presents and I got a "Lost" companion
book, a "Lost" 2006 Calendar (hey, I love TV) and an
adorable scarf.

But as we were getting our cars at the valet I really
felt better. Happy, calm, grateful for the wonderful
people I have in my life.

Or maybe that was just the sake talking.

Therapy rants

Today in therapy I got to thinking about my life (shocker, right?). Why is it that I feel so unstable - one minute on top of the world, the next minute confused and anxious and fearful of the future... I was telling my therapist about how I feel so up and down. She gave me one possible answer. It's because I need to reassess she said. (I almost just typed re-asses - that would have been funny).

When I was younger I always had such high dreams and hopes for myself. If you would have asked me at the age of 15 how my life would have been when I was 24, it would have sounded something like this: I look gorgeous, skinny, tall (funny how I always imagined I would have a growth spurt when in fact I've been 5'1" since who knows how long); I would be dating a beautifully handsome rich, successful man (or married - who knows, at the age of 15, 24 does sound old!); I would live in a beautiful 3 bdrm. house with hardwood floors and a lot of sun that would creep in. I would be working behind the scenes of the entertainment industry, walking down the hallway of my executive office, of course wearing some really awesome skirt suit; On my free time, I would go to hot new fun restaurants, or just lounge around in my beautiful home listening to James Taylor drinking a glass of expensive pinot noir with a candle lit by my side. I would be happy, fun, have tons of friends and be incredibly close to my family.

Pretty funny when you think about it. I envisioned myself having the most perfect, wonderful life (well, who wouldn't?). But let's be realistic here. I'm only 24 for christsakes! Being an assistant would be good enough at this age in this industry considering most my age are still PA's. And I'm even an associate in my division of the industry. I should be fucking grateful, ecstatic even! I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me (so what if he aint Brad Pitt). I have a two bdrm, 2 bath apt. in Hollywood Hills with a very talkative roommate but hey, I'm not living under a freeway! I go out to restaurants a lot, who cares if the most of them don't serve entrees over 10 dollars? It's still food. I talk to my sister almost everyday, my mom every two to three days and my dad about once a week. Yeah we fight, but hey, at least we live in the same city and can just meet up for dinner if we feel like it? How many people can actually say that? And no, I don't own a skirt suit but I also would rather dress Kelly Ripa-ish anyday rather than Barbara Walters, right? I mean, I do still need to have an element of hip i n my life.

SO, as you can probably see...it's not that bad. No it's not. But don't even try to ask me how I think my life will be when I'm 40.

Family matters

Something very interesting / nervewracking happened this last weekend. Chris's parents were in town from Illinois, and being that Chris and I have been dating for over two years now, I thought maybe it would be nice for my parents and his parents to all have dinner together.

I first brought it up a couple of weeks ago. Right after I said it I immediately wanted to take it back. Chris syarted to laugh - "can you imagine how awkward thats going to be?", he said. Of course i knew it was awkward.... yet at the time it sounded like a pretty good idea.

I mentioned it to my mom and she seemed okay with it. A couple of days before they were set to arrive, Chris's parents were even calling Chris to make sure that they got my parent's names right.

The day after they arrived I started to get nervous. Why? No reason, every reason. I knew that they would get along. My mom is too good with people for them not to. I guess just because I love Chris so much, he is such a part of my life now that it was so important to me that they not just got along, but actually liked eachother. Liked eachother in the sense that they wouldn't mind being a part of eachother's futures...since I hope Chris is a part of mine.

Well, it went pretty good. Restaurant was fun, food was good, wine was better, and conversation flowed pretty smoothly... I was more than happy with the turnout.

It just all made me think about life, love, family. I can't wait to grow older and have a loving family beside me. Isn't that what life is about? I simply couldn't imagine not having children and a loving husband in the future. It makes me sad to see how many people out there have lost these things due to nasty divorces or even worse, tragic events. How I got on such a tangent... who knows?

All I know is that seeing my Mom on Saturday night the way I did made me love her and respect her more than ever.

And I'm back...

Can you believe that? I'm hardly back into the blogging world for a week and I'm already slacking... I suppose its getting back into the habit. In fact, I think most things are hard to get back into (or get out of) because of habit. Take my horrible habit of occasional smoking. I have been a smoke on and off for the last few years of my life. I went through a period of intense smoking in college, and then I cut down to about 3-5 a day, and of course many many more on those nights that I was out drinking... Then I totally quit last year, and even though there were moments where it was really hard, I had gotten over it and I was fresh and healthy! - until one of my friends stupidly told me that one or two cigarettes when you're drinking wouldn't get me back into the habit. Yeah, right.

So then I went back to the 3 a day thing. Until I just got sick of it. And right now I'm trying SO hard to just stop smoking entirely. We're at 5 days now...yay! That's the worst kind of habit.

Then there's the eating / working out habit. I love working out and eating healthy. But if I go through a phase where I stop eating healthy for a few days, I then get lazy and then stop working out. It's a vicious cycle I tell ya! Since I got back from Cabo a couple of weeks ago and then got my wisdom teeth pulled, I became a big lazy ass. And felt like shit too! Today I woke up and ran for 40 minutes and felt awesome... moral of the story - work out and you'll feel better!

My new thing is going to be procrastination. I'm a BIG procrastinator - always was, and now I'm starting to get sick of it! I'm seeing a therapist and today I told her about how I hate that about myself and she told me about a book called "The Power of Now". It basically talks about how to end procrastination but most importantly it dispells the myth of why we procrastinate... most people think that they procrastinate because they are lazy. In fact, it's not laziness but its fear of failure. Those who are anxious about overachieving and doing extremely well in life tend to push away projects due to fear of not doing "well" on it... Crazy.

Anyway, that is that... I'm off to watch some good TiVo'ed television...

The annual CSA's

Today's post will be short and sweet because tonight are the annual CSA awards - that's the Casting Society of America... we will be going to the Beverly Hills Hilton to honor casting achievement in TV, film, theater, etc... But really, it tends to be a big party with an open bar, if ya know what I mean.

I just spent the last few hours looking for the perfect outfit, which of course you can never find when you're actually looking. Yet when I go to the mall with no intention whatsoever to purchase clothing, I end up with bags and bags of goodies. Crazy, I tell you!

In any case, I will be getting ready to go now, which will of course consist of many "Oh my god, I look SO FAT!!!"'s, and "My hair is SO not doing the right thing"'s and "I'm so over these awards, get me a glass of wine"'s.

Hey, that's life being a girl!

Ahhh... Sunday night

First of all, can I please say that it is only 5 and almost dark? Daylight savings is a trip.

Today was nice... Sharoni and I went apartment hunting and then shopping at the Santa Monica Promenade... good times. Chris and I are finally going to move in together, most likely in January. It's a big step but we've been together for over two years and I'm thinking its about time :)

So Sharoni and I looked at a couple of West Hollywood ones that were decent and then we went to the Archstone Apartments in Santa Monica. Archstone Apartments are all over the US, they're kind of what they like to call "communities"... meaning they have fitness centers, screening rooms, a nice pool... blah, blah, blah. Sharoni and I have been to one of these a while back in Houston. It wasn't an Archstone but it was GORGEOUS... loft-like apartments, a chef that cooks omeletes and gives you mimosas on Sundays, 5 pools, etc. This one that we saw today? Ugh...NO! The building looked really pretty at a distance... but the closer you got the more faults you saw - craked walls, dirty floors, etc. Plus, the 1 bedrooms were literally the size of a SMALL hotel room. I cannot believe how anyone can live there. Oh yeah, did I mention that the rent was $2000 for the pint-sized room? Well, yeah...it was.

Then Sharoni and I tried to get rid of the horrible viewing that we went shopping to ease our pain. I bought the most adorable boots. They're kind of like these but much, much cooler.

And now I'm home, about to call my friend who lives in New York and then I'm going out to dinner with my dad. Have a good Sunsay night!

Am I really doing this, again???

So me and blogs, we've had a history. This isn't a first date, or even a second. This is a long standing relationship (by long, you do understand that I mean 1 year and 5 months). Our relationship went something like this:

June, 2004 - Fresh, exciting, new. There was passion! thrill! I couldn't stop thinking about when and what I was going to post next!

December, 2004 - This is nice. I have loyal fans of my relationship with my blog. They like me, they like the blog, but most importantly, they like us together.

February, 2004 - I am running out of conversation with my said blog. Of course, at this time, I was also very busy at work and in my social life. My blog was probably very jealous.

June, 2005 - Do I have to write in the blog today? OK, maybe a quick, short update if anything.

August, 2005 - I'm breaking up with you, blog.

And, so that was that. I took a break. A well needed break. But, as time went on and I didn't post, I started to get very sad that no one was reading about the mundane day to day things in my liife. When I went to Cabo last weekend, for example? No one knew (well no one in the computer world, of course). And my obsession with Su Doku? Again, I didn't have anyone online to share it with!

So this is my second attempt at this relationship. I hope, of course, that it works out... wish us luck!